Batman v Superman (2016) -- 6

NOTE: I watched the Ultimate Release, not the Theatrical Release.

ugh. But not so "UUGGHH" as the rest of world wants you to believe.

My expectations for this movie were set at super low. It started in 2015 when I first heard Ben Affleck was the new Batman, and my brain revolted – No! No-one so weak chinned and lacking in charisma would be cast as Batman! But, no, the whole movie was already in post-production, and he was already signed on for a fleet of Batman involved films.

Then there was the trailer, all muddy colors, and the only relief Jesse Eisenberg looking super psychotic and overly intelligent for relief. Also, the release date – March – deep in the heart of the traditional low point of film releases. The wallowing months between the Oscars and the first week of May when some action piece in bright colors reclaims the year for good production!

Then the reviews. Awful.

I put my hopes in Suicide Squad which only promised the best, and delivered some beautifully decorated bullshit. If this movie I had cherished for so long couldn’t deliver, how could BvS??? I mean, this movie was so despised that there aren’t even any bootleg copies to stream online!

So maybe when I say the world is wrong it’s because the bar was set so low. But, seriously, this movie was good. At least as good as The Dark Knight and The Dark Knight Rises (except for Ben Affleck).

Things to LOVE:

-          the start as from a bystander’s POV during the end of The Man of Steel.

-          Drawing between the Martha Moms and thereby calling on the ONLY emotional thing Batman knows.

-          Almost a butt in a naked man shower scene

-          Two lovely naked man torsos

-          Wonder Woman’s theme song

-          Genuinely good and creative soundtrack (except for that DUM DUM DUM part in the beginning when the crane shot pulls back from Ben Affleck (#notmybatman) hugging a girl)

-          Neil DeGrasse Tyson has a cameo.

-          Neil DeGrasse Tyson’s cameo says typically insightful and humanizing things

-          Plot is way more understandable and believable than either Civil War or Apocalypse.

-          Fight scenes, though they may take some leaps, have a sense of inevitability EG. WW slices off Doomsday’s hand. Hand grows back partially as a stiletto bone thing (badass). Superman almost feasibly stabbed by this stiletto bone hand.

-          Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor: 1) the neurotic crazy is always fun to watch, 2) silicon valley has got to be producing such villains.

-          No one Batman movie commits to being a real city, and most ppl (especially Frank Miller) just assume it’s New York, and Manhattan in particular.

Things to rightfully take the rap

-          Batman straight up murdering people. #notmybatman

-          Batman being on a vengeful chase and smashing all the stuff on the wharf to get it

-          Batmobile crashing through a brick wall no worries, but being stuck in a wooden boat???

-          Batman’s branding spree – what? I mean, both pragmatically and psychologically. What is his goal here? Who is that guy paying inmates to kill branded inmates? I don’t get it, and this seems like a classically 1970s zombie movie set piece that just has no reason for being except some producers got high w the director in a hot tub and this was the only idea any of them remembered the next day over scrambled eggs.

-          Loose plot relying on Lex Luthor being a super genius who using all the money in the world to follow his emotional whims and unreasonable vendetta against Superman.
-          Over dramatic Batman & Superman reactions to everything. I don’t think this is regular for these movies. I love the Batmans and Supermans of the world because they are able to take the punches and keep rolling!

I'm holding out for these LEGO heroes.