Batman: Arkham Asylum (2014) -- 8

This movie was awesome.

Super worth buying it on Amazon video to stream forevermore. It's a Assault absolutely introduces every member of the Suicide Squad, without a bog of exposition no less, then kills half of them. Who cares about that emotional bond you were forming? Not directors Jay Oliva and Ethan Spaulding, not writers Bob Kane and Heath Corson. These fine gentlemen are not sacrificing story and character for anything a producer might quibble over on behalf of 13 yr olds or PC-freaks.

Suicide Squad animated feature that gives very few f***s for the audience's delicate constitutions. You can tell this for a number of reasons. First, it's not really worth rating it at "R" but it certainly doesn't try to stay under the PG13 level of kid-friendly versions of events. Second,

I could watch this scene on repeat for days

Point in fact: Assault's Joker is happiest when frighteningly objectifying Harley Quinn. When Joker *eye roll* escapes, a suspenseful stalking scene with the tension caliber of Alien or Bladerunner commences. This movie dishes out at least as much pointy reckoning as the Heath Ledger Joker ever did. Which is doubly awesome considering Assault treads that line of fatalism that Zack Snyder has coined as the DCU paradigm, without sacrificing slapstick and caper set-pieces like 3 Stooges-esque bullet dodging or the snappy repartee of Archer.

To that end, note that Harley's incarnation here also takes a leap into the adult story telling realm. The writers have her independent of Joker, doesn't compromise the things she wants, the mission or her own self esteem. Wanna bang Deadshot, analyse Cpt. Boomerang, kill your ex, and end up the most badass of the team? All without knowing or caring about that fact? Hell yes, she does.

For each of their parts, Deadshot and Cpt. are spot on out of the books except for two significant details: 1) the witty banter and one-ups- manship is actually better in this movie, and 2) the viewer doesn't really get a sense of how competent at taking charge of the Suicide Squad Deadshot is. I think the first is a boon, and the second a shame, and between the two of them we come to a net neutral at how their characters enhance the story.

Joining their merry band are Killer Frost – whom I love playing in Injustice, so it's a delight to see her come to life here – King Shark, KGBeast, Black Spider, and Riddler. All well thought out, and given enough backstory and motivation that you feel they're real characters, without globs of weighty backstory.

Seriously, only person to call BMan out on a bluff

Lastly, we have the good old 80s version of stout Amanda Waller. She's the authoritarian mystery – so much so that not even Batman knows what she's doing through most of the movie! Oo, how I love to see Batsy squirm in confusion every once in while – keeps him sharp.

Much like David Ayer's live action Suicide Squad (AKA Squad 1. Click here to learn why.), Assault relies on these DCU favorites to contextualize the world. This is totally different from the books where readers either assume that Task Force X operates in a DCU vacuum, or the writers can't afford those fav characters. Neither of these extremes is inherently bad as long as the story doesn't suffer for adhering to it. Neither does. Unfortunately, Squad 1 (see my review here) is a different version of this altogether. While Assault deftly weaves faves into the narrative – Riddler catalyzes the whole plot, Penguin's a contact the Squad has to hit up; Jim Gordon inevitably brings in the cavalry – Squad 1 shoe horns Batman, Joker, and The Flash into the plot as superfluous pot-boilers.

Overall, not only does Arkham Assault totally blow Suicide Squad away in terms of dialogue, plot, pacing, and character development, but it also could take on most heist classics as a genre buster! Think Oceans 11, but with less bromance angst between Frank Sinatra/George Clooney and ANYONE else in the movie. The most important part of the whole thing though, is one very surprising and subjective detail: Everyone has a favorite version of Joker, and I found mine here.

all the charm & evil with none of the meth-y dumbness

Like all fans of Batman the Animated Series, once you hear Mark Hamill do Joker voice you never wanna sully your ears with anyone else's cadence. But, damn, if Troy Baker doesn't take up the acid-flower mantle with wicked aplomb.

Civil War, or, Helvetica Syndrome (2016) -- 7

The first thing you notice how this is an amazingly Bond-esque political/physical fight scene. The second is the amazing use of place labels. Whenever one of those arty, full-screen, Wes-Anderson, giant letter place tellers…I giggled a little.

Not a problem. It is both super cool/intimidating and genuinely funny. The shot of Bucky chasing down a car on a dirt road at night already looks made to lick David Lynch's balls, but with a giant Helvetica "1991" super imposed, it's downright laughable. The boys on Reddit consider it to be either Futura or Twentieth Century, but it doesn't really matter what it is when it's got all that artsy-overlord pomp of Helvetica. Every time a new place name popped up, I crack up and then tilt my head in admiration at the lighting and cinematography.

This is a theme that remains throughout Civil War. As perfect as this movie is (All Hail Disney!) there is a weird fault here.

Excellent fight scenes. The opening scene is unabashedly Bond-esque. Camera following close up action for train of thought continuity. Use of all objects in a room (cement bricks, used bazooka shells), serious realism when Bucky hurts himself stopping his own all – I actually physically ducked when Cap ducks under the tail of a helicopter!

Almost Excellent Pacing. At the 1 hr 28 mins 25 secs point, we enter act 2.7. It's slick like the most beautiful anesthesia. It's the big title-line fight sequence: right on schedule, and my heart starts thumping. Unfortunately there's, like, 40 minutes left to this saga… of just Ironman and Cap duking it out. It's necessary for the larger universe, but slllooooowwww….even on the scale X-Men Apocalypse.

Excellent character incorporation. We got easily the best Spiderman (eat your heart out Toby Maguire & that other kid). There's an incredible Great Black Panther intro which super-well sets up the release of his solo comic series in September. Even Antman gets involved. They each have good lines and good back stories woven into a perfectly natural narrative. And last but not least, Stan Lee's cameo in pimp-ass sunglasses is gorgeous. God bless Stan Lee.

But…..Why does everything have to be a fight about isolationism? The only way to have more legal rigor & flexibility requires a lot more privacy invasion. The only way to stop ppl from stepping on your property is by having more government to enforce it. There is always a stalemate at the end of this particular soap opera – Man of Principle vs. Man of Principle.

The thing that makes wars is not bad people, but good people who can't understand each other to come up with some sort of compromise. I can't support either Ironman or Captain America. A major difference between a vigilante and a deputy is making sure the ppl you arrest don't get let out of prison based on their 5th Amendment rights. Do you really want to win the battle but lose the war? Captain America is short sighted in his own principles.

So, really, we have a an almost flawless movie, under-ridden by a strange isolationist sentiment which makes the whole set of characters look like whiny children in a rich kid clique who won't share their ball (except Black Panther, who has real problems).

Then, here are some lists. Ppl like lists.

List of 10 Bonus Points: 

1. The Vision using paprika and playing jazz (can't wait for his solo run comic!) 
2. All Marvel movies and shows (minus Fan-Four-Stick) consistently uses "Sokovia" as the vaguely Eastern-European country, and "Wakanda" for vaguely African countries. 
3. Great throwaway lines add universe depth -- "We were supposed to go water skiing!"
4. Light on Don Cheadle's face when War Machine spins out of control. Angular momentum and cinematic vision blend perfectly! 
5. The new Jarvis is an Irish lady! Stark, apparently, is a Brito- phile, huh. 
6. The baseball cap is the new hoodie??? 
7. The dialogue is the snappy best! There is just no replacing sentences back-n-forth that make sense. 
8. It is all very political, both for inter-personal, and for actually very real, larger world political quandaries. The role of the UN! The idea of jurisdiction! Nothing' but Watchmen comes this close. 
9. At the end of the day, I just love Vision more than anyone. He's basically Dr. Manhattan, or Data. As a tactician or strategist, Cap can only skillfully punch stuff. So sad that non-kinetic is non- cinematic. 
10. The way Tony and Cap fight is exactly the way my husband and I fight when we're drunk. That is, dramatic for no good reason; with a lot of saying "I'm done!"

List of 4 Philosophical Quotes that Raise the Bar: 

1.  "Which Bucky am I talking to?" Steve Rogers doesn't understand schizophrenia, but that's OK cus he's from the '40s. 
2. "You have the right to remain silent!" Spidey pulls out Miranda on Bucky. 
3. "An empire killed by its enemies can rise again, but one that crumbles from within – that's dead forever." That amazing quote comes from a true villain of light and dark motivations which are almost inscrutable if you really follow them. 
4. "I can't control their fear, only my own." Personal growth for Wanda, and something very deep and classic for the whole film.

List of 1 terrible thing to not be repeated: 

1. It's all in the family: WTF, Cap. Do not make out with your ex-girlfriend's niece. Many levels of Eew.  

1. 
   
   

Suicide Squad, or Squad 1 (2016) -- 6

Let’s call this "Squad 1."

1. "SS" is too Nazi
2. "Suicide" is too Emo
3. "Squad" is representative of the movie's theme.
4. "Skwad" is too much an in-joke for nerds to be fairly used in a regular review.
5. "1" is in anticipation that the DC comics extended universe demands sequels (and reddit rumors back that up)

So Cartoon. Much Bugs Bunny. Many Love.

So, Squad 1 evokes too many things in my little heart and brain to contain in one opinionated recap, so this is a short/sweet overview, and then, as they flesh out, I'll post topic-specific reviews.

Professional reviewers hate it, but the box office speaks for itself -- either nerds are now mainstream, or the main stream is getting nerdier. Squad 1 is enough of a success there will surely be more of them.

Full Disclosure: My wedding registry was full of Suicide Squad and Harley Quinn comics, but I understand a lot of what the professional movie viewers are saying: Squad 1 was not the greatest movie. Story and character motivation ranged from the extreme cliche to unbelievable. While the pacing is pretty smooth, it easily could have been better. The plot doesn't have many holes, but it doesn't make the most sense either -- and the ending is simply infeasible. The suspension of disbelief is totally snapped by Enchantress being defeated. If you believe the things you learn in the first half of the movie, she should be unbeatable by conventional weapons. Sorry Harley and Deadshot, your trickery and grenades should not be able to stop her.

Most of the skew-iffy stuff could have easily been fixed with simple one-liners here and there. I expect better from that much money and that many talented folks. Even considering the rumor that they reshot a bunch of scenes as late as Feb. 2016, that’s bad mgmt, not a good excuse. At best, David Ayer and his 10 Producers were negligent in planning; at worst, they just don't have a grip on how to direct a comic book movie.

On the other hand, people who were expecting a soulful drama are dumb. Just because Ayer also wrote and directed Fury, Sabotage, and End of Watch, does not mean Squad 1 was going to explore PTSD or alcoholism. That's like saying Kenneth Branaugh's Thor should have had the weight of Hamlet. DUMB. I'm looking at you Variety & Peter Debruge. It's an ensemble action hero movie about villains....by design it's unpredictable. But, I get it -- even by action movie standards, this was kind of a directorial mess.

"Your movie will not make $1M when I'm through with it!"

That said, reviewers may just feel betrayed by Squad 1. They are used to their power and infamy of calling and killing movies. Truly, they are like movie villains themselves. I wonder if they start looking like Dr Evil, sitting in the dark constantly, maniacally plotting revenge on some director or writer for slighting them at a Hefner party in front of a Bunny...

But I digress. Phenomenal trailers kept all of us rapt the past year. Nerds and writers alike, all bought into these glittering action-trains portraying a full fledged world, a tongue-in-cheek spray paint darkness, and story-telling without plot-spoiling. These were things of editing beauty. More than quick shots crammed together, they were rhythmically choreographed, and so well executed that the heart of the story was injected right into our eyeballs. So, we were suckered into thinking Squad 1 would be great, not just an action movie with colorful characters, but a thing of creative grace and savage beauty.

This built up two expectations: 1) the storytelling and execution would be amazing, and 2) there would be a lot of Joker. This first was quickly destroyed by the reasons detailed above, but the second is interesting. The trailers and production rumors make Joker out to be the main baddie, and he ain’t. So many assholes were butt hurt that they’d predicted one thing, and another happened. That is good work on the park of Ayer and his 10 producers.

Even without it being a soulful drama (seriously, Debruge, wtf) or as greased-leather-slick as Deadpool, we're all hooked on the potential of Squads 2, 3, and 4 that Ayer -- or whomever -- can go as low-budget and gritty or as high-SFX and glossy as they like and we will go see it.

Another point reviewers agree upon is an abundance of sexism and racism. Which may be just as dumb. This ensemble cast is an american diversity wet dream. Half the cast are women. Half the cast is not white. We have leading black, latino, asian squad members, plus a host of both dot and feather indians, black, asian, and latino faces in the supporting cast. It's like the feminists and the Pro-Race-Diversity people (we can’t call them "racists" … is there a real title for this?) were waiting for the first possible movie where gender and race diversity appears so they can say it's not enough. Of course it's not enough, it’s a GD movie, not a real cultural shift or support from Congress and police forces.

Beyond editing and sexism/racism, Squad 1 is pretty normal… The camera work and direction are standard. Nothing too outstandingly bad or good about how the scenes are sewn together, though there is some over-devotion to Margot Robbie's ass (I can only find three) but the comics play this up a bunch… so… I vote “appropriate to character.”

Notice Power Girl's exasperated 'tude.

Butts are funny. Harley is Funny. Ergo, Harley uses Butts.

 If you disagree, how bout you do some readin’ (you won't regret it!)
 The pacing is not bad. In fact, it's pretty good in comparison to some X-Men Apocalypse movies I've seen recently.

What sets this movie apart, stylistically, is the art direction. Brandt Gordon's day-glo palace of gore drenches every minute of digital media with visual joy. From color palette to backdrop to visual details on every character and wall  -- this art direction is out of this world. Vanity Fair's Richard Lawson called it "ugly."  If you were color blind and live in a Manhattan Ivory Tower, then I empathize. I hope Harley gets to beat you to death in the next movie.

Whose heart didn't break when Talia says goodbye to Bane?

What interests me is that Squad 1 exists at all. Our real world is portrayed by TV and internet news outlets as relentlessly dark -- a patch-work of terror and Corrupt Billionaires Running For President. Unfortunately, I guess art imitates life since we’ve just be swallowing Zack Snyder's unflinchingly morose Batman saga. It's no wonder that eventually audiences grow attuned to this darker aesthetic. When normal happy ppl like myself can react so violently against a white-washed rich-ppl-club member writing a review of a comic book movie, you know it's time for a villain-centric story.

Further, the story itself is started revolving and the Haves and the Have Nots in the Dark Knight Returns. When I watched Bane cut off the island of Manhattan, I was rooting for him. He and Talia were definitely onto something so devotedly followed in Fight Club -- not just “damn the man,” but a structured plan to actually damn the man. There’s a lotta sympathy for that in our post-Occupy Wallstreet era. The characters in Squad 1 are all damned by the man, and it’s easy to feel a lot of sympathy for them even though we know they’re villains. We are an audience who "need them bad." And that's why Suicide Squad is awesome.