Burlesque
Steve Antin, 2010
An endearing attempt at romanticizing something genuinely awesome and falling on its badly written face with plot.
There are two stories here. 1. Christina Aguilera goes from Iowa to LA to be a singer and is so dazzled by the first bar she walks into she decides to be a burlesque dancer. 2. Burlesque is a romantic, girl-friendly version of stripping.
Preference is given to Aguilera's sweeter-than-ether, workaholic, vocal prodigy plot. Ali (Christina Aguilera) is somewhere between Floozy and Modern Woman, but is marginally less annoying than Liza Minelli in Cabaret (Gelatin Hour #2). In fact the whole thing is like Cabaret minus the Nazis. In place of Nazis we have real estate sharks. Instead of picturesque Berlin, we have LA. Instead of characters with complex motivation, we have people-as-props.
Of the three leads (Chick, Mentor, Love Interest) only Mentor has the genius to act her way through a flat character. Cher, thank you. Christina Aguilera is hot as hot gets and has pipes to out-shine and wail and belt any pop diva out of her way, but she is given a bad character here and has no idea what to do with it. The Love Interest's appearances defy ridicule. The other living models are dancers interchangably trying to recapture some Fosse, and are let down by lackluster choreography.
Thankfully, the background characters are played by competent people. Stanley Tucci, Kristen Bell and Alan Cummings completely steal the show from the Chick, Love Interest and the dancers. Bringing us to Examples of Purpose 2:
a. “When you're putting on your makeup, it's like you're an artist. Except instead of painting on a canvas, you're painting on your face.” instructs Tess to inexplicably uninstructed Ali.
b. Three original song numbers titled after it and devoted to it.
How do the characters feel about dancing burlesque? After all, burlesque dancing is a charming, sometimes comical, and usually tongue-in-cheek version of stripping. The only dialogue is written in example a. up there. Clearly Tess loves her club, but if it's because she's just stubborn or really likes the place is unclear.
The others just wanna be idolized (read: objectified). The fact that they never address this leaves the entire escapade hollow and whorish. It's third wave feminism at its worst, rather than letting third wave really grasp at something empowering.
That is, Tess is the savvy proprietress of Burlesque, the, uh, burlesque club. She's tough, full of advice, and business retarded. She can fix anything in the club with talk and a glue gun, but she can't even bring her self to try to understand the mortgages of the building she's being forced to sell..Ali meanwhile grabs at every girly thing and reacts to all her situations sans thought.
Normally I don't like getting on the Vagina Soapbox, but when shitty lost feminism gets in the way of otherwise superfun dance numbers with ostrich feather fans, stripey tights, finger snapping, and tango music – well, that's just a fucking sin.
And not a fun one like burlesque, the dramatic caricaturing act, is supposed to be.
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